So for those that missed last month’s newsletter, on understanding and learning the basics of self-hypnosis, please click here.

Once you are able to enjoyably enter the state of trance easily, in your own unique way through exploring some or all of the techniques described in my last newsletter, the next step is to use this learning state to help you achieve a particular outcome or goal. Allow yourself 20-30 minutes for the following exercise, sitting comfortably in a quiet place. You will also need to print off or copy down the questions to ask yourself outlined in Step 2 below.

Step 1- Set your outcome

To be ensure you get the outcome you want start with asking yourself the following questions ‘What will it be like when I have achieved my outcome?’, ‘What will I be doing differently?’ ‘What will the benefits be?’ Try and orientate the answer towards the outcome rather than focusing on what you don’t want. So if you are looking to lose weight you might answer ‘I will look thinner, feel happier and be wearing that dress!’ or if you want to be more confident in certain situations ‘I will be more chatty, feeling more confident and bold’. Now think about and write down all the things that will be different as a result of this change including what this might then lead on to. So for example once you become more confident you might be meeting more people which might lead to having new friends or being in a relationship, if that is what you would ultimately like. Write as much as you can about what will be different for you. Looking through your list pick 1-3 things that are particularly motivating and compelling.

Step 2 – Imprint the learning

The next step is to create a powerful template, in your trance state, for your preferred future outcome and then develop a strategy for how to achieve it.

Read through this completely before trying it so you are clear about what you are looking to do: Once you are in your trance state allow yourself to create in your mind a multi sensory experience of what it will be like when you have achieved the outcome you want, based on what you chose and wrote down in step one. When doing this it is important that you can switch between being the observer of yourself having achieved your outcome and then stepping inside the image of yourself and experiencing it as if you are in that future body and mind. So as an observer be aware of any other people around, your environment, your actions and any sounds. Once you have stepped inside and become the ‘you’ in the future focus on your feelings, move and interact with anyone else there and hear your voice.

As explained in part one of the newsletter, everyone has different and varied dominant senses, so play around with this exercise of observing and then stepping inside of your future outcome scenario, as you may find certain elements will be more powerful and helpful than others.

Once you have practiced this a few times, stay in your trance state, and ask yourself the following questions and with a pen to hand you can then write the answers down. (This is the bit that needs to be printed off or copied down.) Oh and opening your eyes to write your answers down is of course necesarry and fine. You can still be in your trance state and have your eyes open if you want to:

‘What is the first step that I need to make to get to where I want to be?’ Or you can even ask your future self ‘What was my first step to get here?’

Then;

‘What is /was the second step that I need to take?’

And;

‘If I can give myself any magical strength/gift/resource that will help me get to where I want to be what would that be?’ (then closing your eyes imagine yourself being given this gift)

By practicing this exercise regularly and by repeatedly living your ideal future in your mind you will be making it much easier for you to get there for real. Of course we sometimes have strong blocks, limiting beliefs and past experiences that stop us from achieving our goals and in those situations seeing a hypnotherapist or other therapist can help you get past them.

To have a confidential discussion with me about how I may be able to help you in any way please do go to my contact page here.

 By Lawrence Michaels

So what exactly is hypnosis?

Well the common explanation is that it is an altered state of consciousness, which implies that it is a conscious state of awareness. It can also be called a trance state too. Basically, in most situations, it means that we are still very much aware that we are conscious and awake, yet it is altered from our usual awake state. The reason it is altered is because our attention is focused either internally or externally. The degree of how much it is altered is down to both our level of focus and our own perception of the experience we have. If we are guided in the right way by an experienced hypnotherapist it is possible to go into a very deep trance state, yet we are still conscious and we are still making the choice to go to that deep state.

We go in and out of this altered state far more often than we realise too; whenever we have our attention specifically focused on something will mean we are experiencing a trance state to some degree. Daydreaming, being engrossed in a book, music or TV programme and the state we are in upon waking or just before we fall asleep, are probably the most common. Meditation is the closest to hypnosis, with the only difference being that when meditating we are not looking to achieve anything other than a quieting of the mind. Hypnosis is different because even though the feeling is the same we usually want to have a particular goal or purpose in mind, which is where Hypnotherapy comes in.

And why is Hypnosis so helpful?

When we are in the trance state our ability to learn and integrate these learnings is far greater than in a fully awake state. Yet the misconception is that you need to be in a deep trance state to affect this change, when in fact learning to control and access a light trance is just as beneficial, and in fact necessary if you are doing self hypnosis as you need to be alert enough to guide yourself. Self hypnosis is a really easy and lovely way to relax and something that absolutely anyone can benefit from and enjoy with a little practice.

How do you ‘do’ self hypnosis then?

As you will undoubtedly realise the way we interpret our reality is by using all our senses. It is something we do every single waking moment and quite unconsciously most of the time. The visual sense is the most powerful yet all the other senses are busy at work in the background.

Yet when we close our eyes and start to remember a good experience from our past and how it felt then our kinesthetic sense (inner feeling of body and emotion) becomes far more apparent.  If we then try and focus on using our sight in our minds eye before running through the other main senses of touch, hearing, smell and taste, imagining we are back there experiencing that good memory, it then becomes much more vivid and we can also get a better feel for which senses are easier to access. For instance some people have a very vivid ability to bring pictures and colours into their mind whilst for others sounds are easier to recreate.

Once you can easily go in and out of your predominant senses, then try and focus on the ones you find harder to access as not only are you developing your acuteness to those senses but because they are harder for you to access you naturally go into a deeper state of trance. Eventually you should be able to switch and overlap between each of your senses with relative ease. In addition to using a memory or a made up place you can also do this sensory overlapping by focusing your attention on the space you are sitting in; the sounds around you, the feelings in different parts of your body and then imagining what it would be like to walk around the room you are sitting in and beyond, using your sense of touch, sight and smell….all in your mind. And of course by doing this you are developing your ability to go in and out of a state of self hypnosis!

Practicing this will mean it will become easier to slip into this wonderful state very easily. For some it will still be quite a light state of trance whilst for others it might be deeper, yet you will still feel fully in control and aware of the choices you are making. An important point to mention is that it really needs to be done sitting rather than lying as otherwise you may very well fall asleep. Certainly a good thing if that is what you want, however you won’t really get adept at self hypnosis.

Now for some, enjoying this journey into trance is enough as it can be deeply restful and restorative, like meditation. However as mentioned above if you want to start using the state of hypnosis to make some changes in your life, you will need to be a bit more targeted. To do that it makes sense to become more familiar with accessing your trance state, which means regular practice for at least 5-10 minutes, ideally once a day.

I will pick up from here next month with an exercise for how to develop your self hypnosis further, to improve specific areas of your life. In the meantime enjoy practicing!

To contact me for a telephone consultation please click here and if you would like to know more about the other therapeutic methods I use in my practice please click here

By Lawrence Michaels

So it is first very important to understand how depression works and affects us before knowing what to do to break out of the cycle.

One fact that has had a big impact on understanding the cycle of depression is that ‘depressed people dream up to three times as much as non-depressed people’.

So why is this fact so helpful and important to treating depression? Bear with me on this.

If you have been depressed you may have noticed that you can ruminate or worry a lot during those periods. This type of worrying is typified by taking an all or nothing thinking style. This is because when we are stressed and emotionally aroused beyond a certain point the mind takes the fight/flight approach and looks at the worst case, most extreme, scenario. We don’t look at our situation from a rational perspective; taking in all the possibilities like we might do when we are more relaxed.

We interpret the reality of our situation very quickly to make sense of what is going on; the events that happen, what people say, the experiences and feelings we have.

The problem with these types of extreme introspective thoughts is that they cause strong unpleasant emotions, with no opportunity for the emotions to be released. This goes back to our fight/flight response; fighting the tiger or venting your anger at someone. When this doesn’t happen it leaves an incomplete loop in the brain’s limbic (emotional) system. By the onset of sleep, if this emotional cycle remains incomplete, then the brain needs to ‘do something’ with the emotional loops that have been started. Dreaming is the minds way of completing these loops.

The dream acts out, in metaphor, a situation that will flush out the emotion from the brain. In other words an imaginary experience whose pattern resembles the ‘real life’ one is enough to create the same emotional reaction. Normally this system works well and everything stays in balance. However because we typically have an excessive amount of daytime introspective worrying/rumination when in a depressed state, the brain has to increase the amount of dreaming done. The problem with excessive dreaming is that it is a state that uses up almost the same amount of energy as if we were awake, releasing stress hormones and adrenaline. If too much of these are released at night your body and mind will begin to feel very tired during the day. In fact depressed people often report that the worst time of the day for them is first thing in the morning.

Excessive amounts of dreaming also means the body misses out on some of the much needed, physically rejuvenating, Slow Wave Sleep, resulting in a depleted hormonal system and exhausted orientation response- a crucial brain activity that allows changes in your focus of attention and so motivates you. It also is a key part of concentration. So it is important to note that although depressed people might sleep a lot, they are often still not getting enough of the rejuvenating sleep, which leads to more exhaustion during the day. The more exhausted we are the more likely we are to interpret reality in negative ways, as outlined before. This then leads to more dreaming and the cycle continues, progressively worsening for those people that don’t take the necessary action to break out from it.

So it makes sense that if we can cut down on the amount of emotionally arousing rumination during the day and also change the way we interpret reality, it will be far easier to manage and reduce the depression.

Now that you know the why lets focus on the how. Below I have covered off one particular exercise that is particularly helpful for people with depression that can be done at home. Following this I have then detailed some more important tips that are also of importance to consider in alleviating the depressed state.

This is an exercise to be done at home, on your own. To be in the right frame of mind for this I would like you to think of taking on some of the qualities of a defense lawyer; building your case by looking at the evidence and considering all options and the reasoning’s to back up your thinking.

1) Give yourself an opportunity during your day to sit down and have what I call a constructive worry, for 15  – 20 minutes.  Ideally at about midday or late afternoon/early evening, but not before you go to bed. This needs to be a quiet space for you to take out of your day, which can then become a routine.

To start with, focus on and write down specific worry’s you have been having in the last 24 hours. Grade each worry out of 10 based on how you feel about it at that moment- 10 being you feel the most concerned and 1 being the least.

2) Going through each worry, look for and make a note of the evidence supporting why this is a worry for you; your own reasoning that defends this as a worry. Now try and come up with at least three alternative interpretations of the events or situation that made this a worry in the first place! These can be both realistic and also silly and wacky, as long as there is a vague possibility they might be true.

So it might be that you are certain you are not going to get a job and that leads your thinking to how terrible your life is. Your task is then to look at your reasoning behind why you don’t think you will get a job, the situation or events that were the originators of the reasoning and to then consider and agree on three possible alternative interpretations from those events.

3) The final part of this task is to then go though each worry and your alternative interpretations and re asses how you are feeling about it and give it a mark out of ten again. Then take it down two grades- so if you decide it’s an eight take it to a six. Now make an agreement with yourself that you are going to act as if it’s a six for the next three days. On the third day you can then reassess how you feel about it during your appointed time that day.

Further tips:

1. Evaluate how your emotional needs are being met. The Human Givens approach has identified nine essential emotional needs that are crucial to balancing our emotions. I have written about them in more detail here

2. Maintain a regular sleep pattern. Do not lie in if you feel exhausted in the morning. All that happens is that you dream more, as your REM periods get longer the more you have been asleep. Keep to regular times for going to sleep and waking, making sure you spend no more than 8-9 hours in bed, regardless of how tired or how much sleep you think you have had.

3. Find a relaxation method or therapy that you can practice at home or in a class. Meditation, Yoga or Tai Chi are all very good. This is one of the most important things you can do as by having regular time to relax the mind ideally every day, even for 10 minutes, you are allowing the rational mind to function more effectively.

4. Find tasks that you know you can complete easily and quickly- even mundane tasks like cleaning the bathroom can give a sense of satisfaction when you are feeling depressed!

5. If possible, decide to put difficult decisions on hold for 1 or 2 weeks while you get back your energy.

6. Try and spot when you are running all or nothing negative thinking styles. Instead really force yourself to look at all other possible options to specific events or circumstances and allow the possibility for the unknown. These options don’t need to be entirely optimistic just not an extreme negative.

7. Keep your mind occupied by doing things such as reading an exciting novel, listening to a play on the radio or an audio book and TV if it’s upbeat. Ideally make sure if it’s a book that its’ small enough to read in a week or less.

8. If you can stay working, do, as it will help keep your mind busy.

9. Keep yourself occupied as much as possible in ways that stop you thinking too much!

10. Exercise is so important if possible. Ideally enough so your heart rate is raised so that you feel slightly out of breath.

11. Do what you enjoy, even if it’s a bit of a struggle.

By Lawrence Michaels

Many people start the new year with a renewed focus or goal whether that be in relation to their health, work life, relationships or something else. We remind ourselves how great it is going to be when we achieve that goal and the difference it will make, so we start to take the first steps very enthusiastically, and for some they achieve what they want and sail off into their sunset. For others that feeling and motivation wanes and we lose interest, work gets in the way or any number of other excuses that we give ourselves….

Well lets look at what you can do to make sure you get what you want!

And that’s the first place to start. Be clear about what you want and why. Don’t think about the ‘how’ at this point but simply the end result. Start by briefly reminding yourself what you don’t want or what you want to stay away from happening if you don’t take any action. Then begin to imagine what it will be like when you have got what you do want, as if you are already where you want to end up. How will you know you have been successful and achieved your goal? So be specific; really think about the top five to ten things that will be different about your life when you are fitter, or have achieved your new career goals, or are in that new relationship. It’s usually easier to write them down. Think about what will be different about the way you feel and in what kind of situations specifically? How will you look differently to yourself and others? What will people say to you that shows they notice you are somehow different? What will you excitedly be telling the people you care about that has changed for you? Thinking about these things should leave you feeling compelled to move forward and excited at how much more positive your life will be when you get to that end goal. If you don’t feel like that then you need to revisit these questions, and enjoy spending the time imagining what it will be like, to make sure they are really compelling for you.

If this is still a struggle for you then it’s quite possible there is something you perceive about your current situation that you will have to lose or give up. It might initially appear that there is even a fear attached to making a change, and that might be because it seems you will be losing something when you move forward into a situation that appears unknown. So have a think on what it might be. It will usually be something that you place a value on, which is important to you and a part of your current identity. It could be of a physical or emotional importance. For instance smokers quite often enjoy smoking because it still gives them a sense of rebellion and a feeling of power. By recognising what this might be you can decide if it’s important enough to keep or perhaps look at other ways you can have this met, allowing you to pursue your goal. You might find my previous post on Accessing Your Inner Strengths and Resources helpful on this too.

So now you are clear about what it’s going to be like when you get to where you are going, you can start to make sure the journey of getting there is a relatively easy one! Here are a few helpful pointers for you to focus on.

1)                  Look at your environment and lifestyle and make sure that whatever your chosen method of getting to your goal fits into that. So if it’s yoga what are your options on where to go, the times of the classes, which classes might be busier than others, how realistic it will be to fit in the classes around your life. Plus recognise there might be some areas of your life you don’t want to change so make sure you can work round them. If you need to make some adjustments to your schedule are they realistic and will you stick with them?

2)                  What will you actually need to be doing in this new situation and is it something you have the skills and capabilities to do? If it’s something you haven’t done before do you know what to expect and what level of skill, expertise or knowledge is required to get the results you imagined in the exercise above? Readjust your expectations if necessary and check again that this is still something you want to do. If not is there something else that will get similar results that is a more realistic option?

3)                  What resources will you need to get to that end result? These type of resources could be practical such as financial investment, training requirements and then inner resources such as motivation, commitment and persistence. How much of these resources are needed. Realistically are you ready to commit to these resources. Check to make sure that you are really willing to make that investment in resources against the value that you put on the end result?

4)                  What positive beliefs do you have in relation to what you want to achieve? Think about all the good reasons why the end result is important to you. Now honestly think about any reasons that you believe stand in your way of getting to that place. Be very clear about what they might be and then look for evidence in any other situation in the past that proves to you that you have overcome that belief. You can also come up with a strategy that will help support you in times when that belief will challenge you, such as getting the help of a friend, rewarding yourself with something, or have a picture that represents what achieving your goal means to you.

5)                  Finally think again about all the positive things that you imagined in the first paragraph, as if you have achieved your goal. Now acting as if you have achieved your goal create an empowering statement, starting with ‘I am…’  that represents all that is important about getting what you want. So it might be something like ‘I am feeling healthy, strong, and buzzing with energy’. Make it personal to you.

Now think about the first two or three things that you need to do to get yourself moving towards that end goal. They could be book the first yoga class, buy a yoga matt, tell a friend what you are doing etc… and then take that first step!

Please contact me here for a telephone consultation or to book an appointment

By Lawrence Michaels

One of the most common reasons that people who I see have difficulty with speaking or performing in front of others is through learning this behaviour from past experiences. This fight or flight response is our own internal safety mechanism to ensure we can deal with a potentially stressful situation very quickly, bypassing the logical rational mind that will take that much longer to figure out the right response. Helpful when we have to avoid a bus careering towards us, not so helpful when standing in front of a crowd of people. I have written quite a lot about this subject in detail, here and here.

So what can you do to help yourself detach from any negative emotions and thinking patterns that you might have inadvertently learnt?

Well it’s firstly helpful to recognise what triggers you to react? What I mean by this is that there will be something that triggers you to start thinking or worrying about giving a speech even if you are unaware of it. Does a picture come up in your mind, the day before, of standing in front of people, or is it the email that pops through your inbox reminding you of when you are due to give a talk, or maybe it’s when you actually see the stage or audience in front of you that unwanted thoughts or feelings creep in? It’s also useful to point out that, even if its only a fraction of a second sooner, it’s the unwanted emotions that you will have first, before any thoughts take shape. So interrupting and changing the emotions needs to happen first, before trying to change any thinking patterns.

The exercise

In total this will take about 30 minutes as there is quite a lot to take in here, so give yourself plenty of time. If the emotional reaction you have is really strong and it’s difficult to even think about giving a speech without having the unwanted feelings come rushing back then start here, otherwise go to the next paragraph. First of all think of a very specific place that is instantly relaxing for you; somewhere you have been on holiday perhaps or simply somewhere you can imagine where you know will feel relaxed. Now imagine you are there, and there is a chair for you to relax in, and really make a point of noticing as much detail as possible using all your senses. So focus on what you can see, hone in on any sounds you can hear, imagine you can reach out and touch the ground, feel the air on your face and most importantly focus on the wonderfully relaxing feeling inside. Now because this is in your imagination anything can happen, so pretend you have a TV and DVD player in front of you, with the remote control. Now imagine you can bring up a video of yourself, that is paused at just before the trigger point you identified above of a past or imagined situation. Now imagine the TV is moving further away from you, to a point where you can still see it and also change the image on the screen to black and white. Briefly remind yourself again of the wonderfully relaxing place you are in. Now imagine you can press the play button so you can watch the video of you having the unpleasant reaction and just observe how you are reacting and play the video until a point when everything had, relatively speaking, calmed back down. Then imagine you can press a rewind button watching that film of you rewind very quickly until the beginning, just before the trigger point. Do this a couple more times until it becomes easier to watch.

Now it’s important to figure out what type of good feelings you want to have when you are standing up giving the speech! Confident, focused, clear headed, energised and happy are some of the more common ones. Think about all the times when you have felt all of those things that you want to feel. See if you can come up with lots of different examples at different times in your life. Then pick the ones that you remember most vividly and that were also the ones that had the most impact at the time, perhaps two or three examples, then close your eyes and allow yourself to go back and re-experience them in your mind again. Switch between each scenario a few times, imagining you are back there, and really focus on making the feelings strong and powerful, focusing on where the feelings are inside your mind or body. Then start to spin the feelings inside you building up more momentum and power and trying to expand it so it spreads to other parts of your body, almost like you are glowing. You might find the feeling takes on a particular colour when you do this. Keep going from one scenario and feeling to another, giving yourself space in between to adjust to each different example you have picked. Once you have got the hang of this you want to bring your thumb and forefinger together on one of your hands, when the feeling is almost at the point where it is at its most powerful, and feel the pressure of your thumb and forefinger, whilst simultaneously focusing on the good feeling before, after 10-30 seconds letting them go when the feeling naturally subsides. Do this a couple of times, for each example, each time layering and building the feelings on top of each other. Bringing your thumb and forefinger together like this, whilst accessing those powerful feelings, is called an anchor.

Next, if you were to give a speech to just one person, someone who will make you happy, who will be supportive, who will accept you for who you are and for any mistakes you might make, who would this be? It can be someone you know well or someone you don’t or indeed someone famous that you have never met but think will be a great person to be all of those things I mentioned. Make sure you can create a vivid picture in your mind of them, how they would sit down or stand, intently listening to you. If you find this hard try and focus on just one aspect of them and get a sense of them and the feeling they give you.

Now sitting down in a chair, imagine where you will be standing when you make the speech (this could be a real speech coming up for you or otherwise a hypothetical speech) and then also be clear about where your chosen person will be, how far away from you they will be, what they look like, what they are wearing etc. Now imagine you are standing just behind the you who is in the middle of giving the speech and imagine you have the sensation of being pulled quickly up to your feet. Stay sitting and go through each feeling as before, firing off the anchor every time the feeling is almost at its peak, taking as much to really enjoy each feeling. Now bring in the sensation of being pulled to your feet, before quickly standing up and taking a step forward. With this step imagine you have walked straight into and merged with the you that is standing on stage, bringing all the positive feelings with you and spend 30 seconds or so looking at your chosen person and really focusing on the feelings. If they subside and you want to bring them back just fire off your anchors again. Only spend a minute maximum doing this before sitting down and doing it all again. Each time the feeling of being pulled to your feet can become stronger and your ability to access the feelings will be quicker, so that after a few times you will feel that pull to your feet, accompanied with the great feelings by using your anchor and then imagining you are standing there giving your speech, with your chosen person to focus on.  This exercise can be very powerful at getting rid of pre speech nerves, especially if practised regularly.

If you want to know more about my therapeutic approach please click here

By Lawrence Michaels

This simple skill, to be able to have complete empathy and understanding of someone’s situation and how they are feeling is a valuable tool to have and use in all areas of life. It is also one that can be immensely enjoyable and satisfying to use well.

So what exactly does building empathy with someone really mean?

Well in simplistic terms it means what would it be like if we were that person, to feel what they are feeling. By building empathy we are also then building rapport because the more we understand another the more they feel understood. One of the most important ways to develop this skill is to recognise that your own feelings, thoughts, opinions and beliefs need to be left firmly behind a closed door, so that your communication is clear and clean of anything you might bring unintentionally. This is probably one of the first hurdles we fall at especially if the person is someone we know well. Building empathy is all about understanding the other person. This brings me on to the next point which is recognising that by understanding the other person you don’t need to agree with them. If judgements sneak in they need to be acknowledged by you and then put to one side to be looked at afterwards. You can build empathy with someone and then come to the conclusion afterwards that your view of them hasn’t changed, or you disagree. Yet whilst building empathy and rapport with them the focus is only on them.

How do we build empathy?

The easiest way to build empathy is to really look at the other person’s body language and then subtly and precisely incorporate some or all of what you are noticing into your own body language. This will allow you to gain information about their physical state and hence their state of mind. Specifically look at their posture, their eye contact/movements, their facial expression and breathing. You can then start to become aware of their voice; the tone, pace, pitch, volume. What language they are using and if any words are repeated often, indicating they are important. One of the simplest ways to show you understand someone is by repeating certain words they are using. You can even act as if you have their same beliefs so for instance if someone says “I just can’t do anything about this situation” rather than consoling them give yourself a moment to imagine what that feels like for them to have that belief and you will then be in a better position to respond with something appropriate.

Much research has been done into the way we communicate and to the relative importance of verbal versus non-verbal messages. You have probably heard how our words account for very little but may not have seen a breakdown;

7% – the words we use

38% – the way we say them –tone, volume etc…

55% – non verbal signals- posture, gestures etc…

So a staggering 93% of your ability to communicate what you are trying to say is coming from things apart from the words you use. If you have ever listened to and been carried away by an inspiring speech and then wondered after what they actually said, here is your explanation – it can be content-free and still qualify as a great success!

If you then think about the way you receive communication from others, it becomes evident that there is far more to being a good listener than just hearing the words. As described above it is about listening with your whole body and as such is a skill that needs practising.

Here are a few other pointers;

Your mind will need to be completely focused on the person you are listening to, not on what you might say next, nor on tomorrows’ problems.

Your eyes will be collecting lots of information about the person you are talking to, from their clothes to their emotional state and your gaze will stay with them not wander about the room.

Your ears will be busy not just hearing the words, but also the tone of voice, hesitancy and everything about the way something is said.

Your mouth will generally be shut, opening occasionally to offer some encouraging words to show you understand.

Your body will reflect the posture of the person who is talking. If they are sitting then it’s not nice to stand over them. If they are relaxed and laid back, so will you be. It’s not about mimicking them but matching their style, so they can see you are in tune with them. Equally if they are looking nervous and being twitchy you should also match that to a subtle degree. So if they are moving around and tapping their fingers you could move around and tap your feet sporadically, being aware that when they calm down so should you.

Although this may all sound rather prescriptive and forced it is something that you can just try elements of to begin with. Or simply notice what you can observe that you haven’t done before. To become an expert at building rapport the next step is to learn more about the language and words we use and how we can use them to maximum effect, to then lead someone along with us and allow them to share in our view. One for another post I think.

To book your free consultation please contact me here

By Lawrence Michaels

Most people who come for help feel that their eating is getting out of hand, making them unhappy, yet they can’t seem to stop. Or quite often there is a part of them that doesn’t want them to stop.

I have written about this inner conflict in a previous post here, touching on the recognition that it is possible to find a positive intention behind any unwanted behaviour. By understanding what this might be it then becomes much easier to bring some acceptance into the picture, releasing the energy and power it may have. This is not always so easy yet by working with clients on this I have seen really powerful change that allows us to come alongside the emotion driving the eating, negotiating with this destructive part, allowing options and choices to be put in the frame.

In another post I have written about the understanding of certain emotional needs we all have and recognising how they can impact on unwanted behaviours and thoughts if they are not being met in a healthy way. With emotional eating it can be a case of seeing if any of these emotional needs are being neglected, with the eating instead providing a substitute. A lack of feeling challenged and expressing creativity can lead to boredom for instance, for which the emotional eating can stand in for. Low self esteem is also a very common element to emotional eating where the eating becomes a way of meeting a need for status and self-attention which of course is usually only temporarily relieved, after which a sense of guilt is induced, lowering self esteem even more.

The other important element to controlling emotional eating is to learn about the pattern; when does it happen more often, what are the triggers and when it happens less often what is different about those situations? When is it easier to control and when is it harder? Taking an overall view of your life to see what areas are going well and what areas you might want to be better may also give clues to how the eating fits in.

For some it may be only very specific situations that induce an urge to eat with the rest of the day going fine. In this case it would firstly be a matter of understanding what the external stimulus is that sets of the emotional eating and the exact mental pattern that is being replayed; what thoughts and emotions result from seein g the biscuit jar at home or upon walking past the newsagents or bakery? We can then start to implement a new thought and emotional pattern instead. I have written more about pattern matching and the associations we form here.

Finally it can be helpful to understand more about the importance of balancing our blood sugar levels which in turn lessens any cravings we might have for carbohydrates and sugar.

For more information on how I can help you control your emotional eating and lose weight click here.

By Lawrence Michaels

For the purpose of this article I would like to focus on the part our senses play when we use our imagination and our “sense memory”. When you close your eyes and think back to a good memory; a specific time on holiday, a moment when you were really happy or relaxed or confident you might initially get back that good feeling or perhaps a clear picture will come to mind easier. Once you start to focus in on the memory, by trying to use your other senses such as being aware of what sounds or smells might have been around, you will then start to really build a much more intense experience, as if you were back there again. By doing this you will also then learn more about which senses are easier and harder for you to access. By recreating a sense memory you are allowing yourself to change your state of mind so you take on that state associated with the memory. Sometimes we access this sense memory without even realising it; the scent of freshly cut grass, the smell of wet paint or chlorine, the sound of a song not heard for a while; what feelings do they stimulate?

What if you could access a state of immense confidence, motivation, relaxation or happiness for example and do it instantly and easily? Imagine how helpful it could be when you are in a difficult situation or just need a boost.

Below is a simple, powerful and well established exercise that will allow you to create your own unique state which you can trigger off whenever you need. Please be aware this is not intended for severe phobias or anxiety. You will need a quiet place where you can spend ten to fifteen minutes on this:

1. Once you have established what state you would like to access, remind yourself of at least one, ideally two, strong examples of when you have really enjoyed that state in the past. Alternatively if you can’t think of an example how about imagining you are stepping into the shoes of someone who has that particular quality or even a use  a scene from a film you know well.

2. Sitting or standing, with your eyes closed visit each memory in your mind as if they are individual movies. First of all imagine you are an observer of the memory, so see yourself and notice what else is happening in the image. See if you can slow everything right down before then stepping inside and experiencing it as if you are there, introducing as many senses as possible as described above, really taking the time to re-experience it and trying out the different senses to find which works best for you.

3. Do this again for each memory and this time try and establish at which point the feeling you are accessing becomes most intense. See if you can make it even more intense by imagining it’s a ball of energy and you can spin it faster and faster, increasing the feeling. The feeling will have a natural curve, with a point where it will peak before slowly dissipating. Once it does this open your eyes. You ideally only want to spend about a minute or so now practising on this.

4. Now to the main event; you are going to anchor the state to something physical. This will mean that when you want to access the feeling at another time all you need to do is use the physical anchor and the feeling will come flooding back. The easiest physical anchor is to press your thumb and forefinger together on one of your hands. With this in mind, stand up and imagine there is a small invisible circle on the floor in front of you that has a colour that fits with the feeling you are going to re-access. You are going to step inside the circle and immediately re access the first memory, this time stepping inside the experience immediately, focusing more on the feeling and allow the colour to flood your body too if you like. Once you get the feeling back to the point just before it starts to peak, press your thumb/forefinger together. Now really flood your whole body with the feeling, spinning it like before. Stay with it until it naturally starts to subside, making sure you release your thumb/forefinger at this point and step outside the circle. Shake your body and hands and have a quick walk about. Step inside the circle again for your second memory.

5. Do the whole of step 4 twice more, noticing that it should get easier and quicker to access the feeling.

6. Now all is left is for you to practise the anchor about once every couple of days for a week. This will make sure it becomes stronger and more of an instantaneous response. You can do it by stepping into the circle or simply practise it sitting down. After that think of it as your special state which needs to be kept fresh simply by using it regularly, about once every couple of weeks ideally. You now have an almost instant hit of sensory satisfaction!

If you liked this exercise there is another I have written, taking a similar approach, here

By Lawrence Michaels

One of the big concerns people have is worrying how they will do on the day. I imagine almost every performer, no matter whether they are at the highest level in their field or simply an enthusiast, will have days that go well and some where they feel could have gone better.

The first focus then is to know what makes us perform better on those good days, as all too often we think about what went wrong. As those of you who do this will know it is very easy to bring back the frustrations and anxiety associated with a bad performance. But if we can bring back those negative associations then surely we can bring back the positive ones too.

This is where the power of our senses can be so helpful. By vividly remembering what it was like when you performed well, and slowing it right down in your mind, you can really enjoy bringing the experience back to life. By building it up and reconnecting your senses to the experience you are then allowing the mind to re-learn, enhancing the knowledge and subsequent benefits of this positive, successful time in your life.

Here is a technique that will help you prepare for your big day:

Pick a specific memory of when you were running or performing particularly well. By closing your eyes you can focus on what you looked like, how you were feeling, how your body was moving and also the sounds and smells you might have had. Once you have really got the hang of replaying this past performance in your mind, trying alternating between all your senses.

Now increase the intensity of the memory by making the image bigger and brighter and closer to you. Focus on where the good feeling comes from in your body and make it even more powerful, allowing it to spread outwards, maybe with a colour associated with it. Also try focusing on the senses you find harder to access as this will help develop those senses too. If you are musical think of a song or tune that you can associate with the memory and just slot it in there at the appropriate point.

As you are going over this ask yourself what you can learn about this experience that will help you in the future? What particular movement, feeling, or sound perhaps has a positive association with that performance? Now go back over the experience and slow it all down. You will probably find a particular element of this memory as key to what makes the experience so positive for you. By doing all of this you ideally want to find that you finish with a short, snappy and really powerful movie you have formed in your mind, with a clear beginning and end.

Finally for the icing on the cake;

Using the above experience and with it slowed right down, in your mind see an image of yourself at the peak of your performance. Notice what it is about the image that makes it apparent you are at the peak of your performance. Your body language, your facial expression perhaps. Now imagine you can freeze the image like on a DVD and do just that. Now step inside the image, then imagine someone has pressed the slow play button, and enjoy being in the moment of that experience. Focus completely on the feeling in your body and any movements, making it even more intense. Enjoy that for a few moments then repeat by stepping outside the image, seeing yourself and then stepping back inside, however this time you want to anchor it by pressing your thumb and forefinger together hard. Let go and step out and in again at least once more again using the anchor.

The aim of this is to make this past memory much more powerful and vivid so that you create a really positive template to re-access in the future, when standing on the start line for instance. This technique is ideally done with someone guiding you, however even by simply re-accessing a positive experience, your mind will be developing a positive association for any future scenario.

To learn what results you can expect when working with me in relation to improving your performance click here

Contact me for your free telephone consultation.

By Lawrence Michaels

What I find interesting is that we can also have beliefs that override those limiting beliefs, enabling us to live better lives. These enabling beliefs can occur through having new experiences, challenging our perceptions of what we are capable of, opening our eyes to new possibilities. If you were to ask someone who knows you well how you might have changed for the better in the past 5-10 years it’s likely they would point out a few examples. These would undoubtedly be due to changes in your beliefs and values about certain things, however large or small.

So how do we form beliefs and more importantly how do we cast off those we don’t want, to enable us to live better lives and do the things we want to do?

Well the starting point when we form beliefs is our inner search for evidence to support and confirm a particular belief is true. One of the most common negative/limiting beliefs people have is “not being good enough”, whether that is something specific or in more general terms. To make this believable there will be a habitual part of you, alert to any situation that confirms this to be the case. Like a lawyer in court you will be mounting up evidence, documenting every time you have ever found yourself in a situation that confirms that belief, going all the way back to early childhood if necessary. What’s important to recognise is that our beliefs will be grounded by a positive intent or purpose, relating to when the belief was first formed. Quite often this positive intent is to ensure we are kept safe and secure, or to fit in and cope better with the environment of the time when the belief was first formed.

What is unfortunate is that once one belief is no longer useful and we find conflicting evidence that prove the first belief wrong, we don’t always take heed and quite often ignore this new evidence! This is because we have this inherent part of us that wants to keep matching to patterns that are already strong and well established. This ancient pattern matching part of us automatically looks at experiences that we repeat often and thinks…ah this must be important lets make sure we keep doing this! Again there is a positive intent behind this which is simply to make our lives easier. I have written more about this pattern matching part of us here.

We also form beliefs by initially “acting as if” something will be true even if we can’t know for sure. The most obvious example is when as a toddler learning to walk, you would have acted as if walking is possible. Or the time when you might have started your first day at work not knowing if the job would turn out well, but went in with the belief that it will. So for you to believe something, it is not necessary for you to know for sure it is true, but simply to have the expectation it will be. What is important when “acting as if” is to involve yourself physically as well as mentally.

So now to the good bit; the process of leaving behind an unwanted belief

First, you need to check if the belief still has a positive intention, in the context of your life right now. Another way of looking at this is to ask yourself what is there that this belief is giving you that you don’t want to lose? Knowing this is important to helping leave the belief behind. It may also be neccesary to ensure you can have this positive intent met in a more helpful way, making the belief less reliant on it.

So now you need to look for evidence, literally, of when this belief has been proved wrong. This might not be so easy but it will be there. These can be actual behaviours or simply ways of thinking that conflict with your belief. It may take some time so give yourself a few days if needed and just make a note of them no matter how few or insignificant they might be. It can also be very helpful to ask a close friend or family member. It is important not to feel like you need to justify, judge or analyse these examples, even though it might be tempting. Simply note them down as facts. It is helpful to see this exercise like the analogy I made earlier of a Lawyer preparing evidence before court.

The next step is to find an enabling belief that will be a much better substitute to the one you want to leave behind. It is important to realise that changing a belief can be empowering based on specific caveats or criteria that help make that belief true. So if your limiting belief is for example “I am not very confident in large social situations” you might create a new one along the lines of “I can be confident in large social situations when I am prepared”.

Now you need to look for evidence that your new belief is true. Again like the Lawyer analogy simply look for the factual proof of when your actions or thinking support the belief, no matter how small or large, and note them down. Again no need to judge or justify them.

The next step is to act as if the new belief is true. As mentioned earlier you can trust in this process of pretending the belief is true. Like an actor playing a part., you will achieve the greatest success by embodying the belief both physically and emotionally. The most empowering way to do this is to first stand with your eyes closed and imagine yourself acting out your belief, really focusing on how it feels differently, noticing what you are doing in your imaginary place and spending a few minutes in that state. The belief will become more powerful when you then act it out in your day to day life or the specific circumstances of the belief. Repetition is key as the pattern matching part of your mind, as described earlier, will then recognise this belief and your behaviour as acceptable, allowing you to feel more comfortable with it and thereby making the old belief less powerful.

In my experience changing old beliefs can be quick and easy for some and harder for others, depending on individual circumstances and how long you have held the belief.

Contact me for your free telephone consultation.

By Lawrence Michaels