We all have internal dialogues going on inside our minds to varying degrees…with this voice of ours typically focused on either the past or the future. Of course this ability to be aware of the concept of past and future is essential for us to live in the world around us. Unfortunately this dialogue can become very powerful. Quite often when we are stressed this dialogue will override our sense of rational perspective so that what we are thinking is interpreted by the body as very real…which then sets off our physical stress response. One of the simplest and most effective steps to quieten our mind and reduce stress is to simply to bring awareness to our internal dialogue, feelings and behaviour.
As humans we are unique in the animal kingdom to have use of the ability to step out and observe ourselves. If you live with a cat or dog or indeed any other animal and get to watch them living their lives you will see that they live completely in the present and don’t have this ability. They have little awareness of past or future.
Unfortunately we can spend too much of our time reliving the past and using it as a way to define our present, or worrying about what might happen in the future to the detriment of what is actually happening in the present. This usually leads to unnecessary stress and anxiety.
One way of helping us become more grounded in the present, which in turn brings a sense of control, is to engage our observing self. This is a skill which needs time to practice and work at, as it is a conscious act that we need to be fully aware of.
There are three key steps to using this skill. To start with it is easier to use this exercise when you are experiencing low level stress or anxiety. Once it becomes easier to use you can then apply it to more stressful times.
1.Firstly just become aware of your internal dialogue/voice. Imagine that there is the you that is observing and there is the you that is the internal voice. This is usually a very empowering realisation and the concept can sometimes take some time to understand.
2.Try and accept the voice, feelings or behaviour, don’t judge. There is no right or wrong, good or bad. Notice how easy it can be for the observing you to be drawn into the internal dialogue and feelings associated with that.
3.Finally as the observer try and establish if the internal dialogue is drawing from the past or focused on the future? Notice that as the observer you are doing neither and are simply observing.
To start with you may find that being able to take the role as the observer is only possible for a few seconds, before being drawn back into the internal dialogue and story being created. Just by recognising when that happens is very helpful.
Accessing and then staying with our observing self is difficult because we rarely do it. Through repetition we have become so used to creating our internal dialogue and story that it has become a habit we fall into unconsciously. By starting to break that habit and become more conscious of our observing self, effectively one and the same, we can start to make it easier to access this state when we want to. Of course the opposite of this state is our ability to be entirely self absorbed in ourselves and any activity we might be doing, which can be called the trance state. More on this another time!
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By Lawrence Michaels
